I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
