this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
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The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
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scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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