We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
