the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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