I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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