All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
