Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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