We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
