Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
