I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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