I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
