I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
