party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
