She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
