it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
