that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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