my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
