I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
