i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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