well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
