you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
