btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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