He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
