idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
