tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
