i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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