just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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