Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize