Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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