Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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