I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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