I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
