I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
