Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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