i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
