my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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