just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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