i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.