What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house