if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.