Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Randomize
Follow @tfln