Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
