I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess