Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
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at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
this is an emotional support booty call