I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI