Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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