Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
