There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
