doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
