I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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