I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
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I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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