You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
