i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
