im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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