weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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