I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
