I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
