Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
