Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
no you cant smoke seaweed
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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