first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
