is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i came on her dog
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
