Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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