I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize