so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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