It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
