The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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