Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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