I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I looked at my own cervix.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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