Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
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I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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