We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
