I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
sarcasm needs its own font
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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