1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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