Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We're too hungover to prance.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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